At the age of 61 and after many years of singledom, I have met a lovely man through an internet dating site and we have been dating for two months.
He is good-looking, kind, honest, affectionate, intelligent, we share many common interests and we enjoy each other’s company.
So far, so perfect. The problem is that I just don’t feel any spark or that elusive sexual chemistry.
I have been honest with him as to the way I feel and naturally he was disappointed as he clearly felt ready to take this relationship to the next level. Friends have advised me to give it more time, as feelings can grow.
At my age I know from experience that such lovely men are thin on the ground and I would like to be in a loving relationship. He was widowed 18 months ago and I don’t want to hurt him – but every time he initiates intimacy, I shy away.
Should I continue seeing him, accept that at my age, “une grande passion” is unlikely and feel lucky to have found a good companion or walk away and hope that one day I will meet someone who will “light my fire”?
Victoria, via email
Two things strike me about your predicament. The first is that if he is so perfect, why don’t you feel that spark?
Could it be that after so many years of being single you are naturally shy or even frightened of taking things to “the next level”?
Are you blocking things or, put another way, when it comes to the spark, has the pilot light gone out? In that case your friends might be right and spending more time with this man may build your confidence.
The second thing that struck me was that surely this man, who as you say is so lovely, deserves something more in his life than a partner who has simply settled for him?
This is his decision, too, and if you continue to shy away he will ultimately just go away.
I think it might be wise to give it a little bit more time, but don’t lead him on for too long. I can’t say whether or not you will have “une grande passion” in your future but both you and this man want to have a physical relationship and if it’s not with each other then you must both look elsewhere.
You may feel like you have been waiting for a long time but if it is just companionship you are after, far better to get a dog than a frustrated widower.
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