I got together with an old school friend a couple of years ago while he was in the midst of getting divorced after a 27-year marriage. We split temporarily last year (my idea) due to a number of pressures. But we have remained in close contact and have on a number of occasions been very close to getting back together. In the meantime he started seeing someone else – in an effort to “get over” me, he said – which has been going on for a couple of months. He turns up at my house and sends flirty texts – then says if we get back together he’s afraid he’ll just lose me again.
I have strong feelings for this man but I think he’s being grossly unfair to the other woman – though it doesn’t sound as though either of them is very serious about the other. And I can see that if we got back together without fixing the fault lines that made us break up before, it won’t work.
What should I do?
And what exactly do you want me to say or do? You don’t have a problem; you have a decision you need to make. Re-ignite this relationship, or get on with the rest of your life. If you genuinely think you are simply going to break up again then why on earth are you even contemplating a second round? Surely it is more interesting to make some new mistakes rather than simply repeat the old ones? The other option – and this is radical – would be to talk to this man. Explore what went wrong the last time and see if those issues can be resolved. You might also want to articulate out loud, so that he can hear you, just how badly he appears to be treating his current girlfriend.
Obviously I’ve never met this man but he sounds like one of those people who just has to be with someone, no matter who. It might be an idea for him to spend some time alone so that he can get some perspective on his life and figure out who or what it is that he truly wants. The ball is in your court, so I strongly suggest you do something with it instead of just staring at it lying on the ground. Play wisely.
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